Happy Halloween

So last year, Lily and I went to several different Halloween pet events. I found her a Bee costume and I think she is possibly the cutest thing ever. I plan on putting her in this tonight while we have dinner so that I can see her super cute face. I am not sure I will be able to put up these pics but I thought I would share these super cute pics from last year.

Super Sad Lily-Bee

Lily: Mom, really I don't like this
Me: Laughing so hard I almost peed my pants

Lily looks pretty happy here... so cute

She would not be still and I was laughing so hard

She looks so much happier in this pic and you can see dino-Piper's tail

First try at getting a good pic

Mom... are you having french fries? Toss one this way

Looking happy to be home 

I am missing my StL friends today, I wish I was around to dress up the dog and have a few beers with the girls. I will be putting Lily in her Bee costume later today... she is going to hate it but I am going to love it.

Lily is adapting well to the new apartment, I think she is enjoying all of the free space and the fact that she gets more walks these days. I hope to get a chance to scope out some of the local parks this weekend so that we can find one where I can let her off the leash and get some energy out. This morning I tried to get her to jump over the little stream... that was a NO. I almost fell in the water, she was so ticked. I can tell that she is still a little uncertain about the apartment since she is sleeping in the bed all night every night but I think over time she will relax some.


Hope you bought a bag of candy that you enjoy and no kids come by looking for candy so you can keep it.

Happy Halloween!!!!

The BIG Move

So last weekend the movers came and started moving stuff around. It has been so crazy. As I don’t have internet it is hard to upload pics but they are coming one of these days. Hiring the movers was one of the best choices that I have made in a long long time since I didn’t really have to move much I mainly just have to unpack. I think the hardest thing was trying to figure out where to put stuff when they were unloading the truck. For the most part I just had them plop everything down in the living room. Thank goodness I didn’t have much furniture. But once they walked out I had a moment where I almost started crying. There was so much stuff and it was everywhere. I didn’t know where to begin and that was hard for me.

My Aunt Judy came by with some essentials and lots of diet coke. This was clutch for me because she helped me move boxes around and then we tried to figure out what to do about the furniture... not going to lie that is going to be a hard puzzle but at the moment I am still enjoying it. Let's see what else... after she left I spent time trying to make sense of my bedroom before I left for the night. In the end all I really did in there was make a mess and make the bed. I love my new duvet cover, again pics to follow later when I can get them off my phone.

On Saturday I brought Lily to our new place and she was so at home she promptly puked on the carpet. As this is pretty normal for our life I just laughed and cleaned it up. I love my dog. I think she is finally settling in to our routine but she is still a little lost. I think in time she is going to adjust to this apartment but it is going to take us a while. 

There are lots of empty boxes around the apartment but it is still crazy trying to figure out where things are and where I put them when I unpacked. I now have several boxes of stuff that is going to goodwill at some point. I don't even know why it is still here. 

Well I should head home and work on more unpacking... I can't wait to see what I find tonight. I can't wait to show you the pics.. hopefully the blogs won't be too spotty prior to internet but either way there is lots to look forward to.

The Results

Sorry it has taken me so stinking long to get back to you about my cone biopsy results, it has been a crazy few days. I guess we should get right to the point: all of my margins were clear. This means that the edges of the biopsy did not show any cancerous cells. That is the wonderful news, however there was a little bad news: what they cut out was CIN3 and CIS. They cut out something called stage zero cancer, if left alone it would have turned into cancer. I am pretty happy with these results but if we are honest I am just greatful to have my results.

My followup appointments will be in six months. I asked if this was pretty normal and since the margins were clear this is normal. For people with not clear margins she sees them every three months. I do have to have two clear pap smears before I can go back to annual screening. I think that in the grand scheme of things I am glad that I have been pretty anal about getting screened.

I have often what is going to be my cause outside of my job and I think that cerviaval awareness is going to be one of my great passions. In all of this I realized that as women we have been taught that our bodies are to be treasured and that anything that happens to them is shameful. I will admit that I was ashamed that I had the early stages of cervical cancer for a variety of reasons. One of the main reasons is that we have been told that all cases of cervical cancer come from HPV and only sluts get HPV. I think that the majority of women don’t get HPV from sleeping with a million men but from being with someone they love.

I believe that there is nothing to be ashamed of, I had stage zero cancer and I beat it. I think that we as women need to not be ashamed of things that happen to us. I am going to try and tell more of this story over time, I will give more details at some point about the surgery so that if you find this blog because you are looking for info it will be helpful.

So in the interest of finally having a cause and keeping after it… make sure you get all checked out at least every other year… while it doesn’t spread fast if you leave it alone it will take more work to take care of it.

Xoxox

H

Precervical cancer

So yesterday I told you that I had the last step of precancer in the cervical cancer plan. So I guess I should give you a tad but of back ground before we get into the most recent adventure. Several years ago and throughout grad school I had several abnormal Pap smears. I looked back at my results and to the best of my knowledge they were ascus cells which is code for these cells are not normal but we don't know how or why.

On my birthday I found out that I had another abnormal test and needed to have something called a colposcopy. This is a minorly invasive biopsy, the afternoon is shot but no long term effects. The results of this colposcopy were more troubling than normal and it was recommended that I have a leep procedure. I told my doc to stuff it and I would deal with this after my defense and move. I have no idea if that was the right thing to do but I did it.

In Dallas I found a new doc, who is amazing, and when I met with her we repeated the colposcopy. These results were explained in detail to me, I have CIN2, CIN3, and CIS cells. CIN3 and cis will definitely turn into cervical cancer if left alone. So I ask what we should do, it turns out that the way my cells spread all over my cervix made it difficult to remove easily so I needed a cold knife biopsy. I will explain this is greater detail later but let's just say she was going to remove a significant portion of my cervix with a scalpel. This was the surgery that I had about a month ago and since I couldn't find much info about this online I will try to detail my experience without grossing anyone out.

The next step is my one month follow up which is tomorrow. I am a little nervous since I don't know the results yet, I am trying to be hopeful and at the same time realize that bad news could still be coming. I am ready for results watch 2012 to be over, I just want to know one way or the other. It has been a crazy few weeks.

I have been hesitant to share this story but I think this is more common that women like to admit. I also think we are taught to never talk about our personal business (ie our lady bits) so when something goes wrong we don't reach out to other women. I am going to try and share the ups and downs of this story so that if you know someone in this story you know what to say. I hope that my story shows you that this is not the end of the world as a diagnosis but just another step in the grand scheme of things. I am so ready to know the results...

Waiting like David

Recently I have begun studying the bible more. I am working through a study by Beth Moore about having a heart like David. I have loved the stories of David since I was young, it took great courage, trust, and strength to stand up to Goliath. This happens when he was young and through out his life he asked The Lord and waited for his answer and then did as he was instructed.

This week my study is about how David waited to settle until god gave him the place to go. I was reminded that once I trusted that god knew where he wanted me and lily to love we found the perfect place. I am excited to see what he has for me and I know that I am going to be in the right place. I know that sometimes Dallas is hard for me but I am confident in the plan that he has for me and that for now this is where I am meant to be.

I don't know that I have always followed his plan but when I do things are better for me. Do you ever experience that you are in the right place at the right time? I know that I am meant to be here and that the future holds great things for me.

Heat Lightning

I have always been a fan of thunderstorms, well perhaps fan is too strong of a word but I do enjoy being able to watch the rain fall from under a roof. In the south, before the storm there is often something that I call heat lightning. This is one of the most beautiful things that I have ever observed. If you aren't familiar with this beauty it is before the rain when the huge thunderheads are rolling in and the lightning arcs between the clouds. This lightning lights up the clouds like the fourth of July.

The other night on my way home from shopping with my Aunts I was driving down a little highway (there are lots of these even in the city) and when I came over the hill I had a chance to watch the lightning. I took a few pics but it is so hard to time the pictures just right I will give you the best one that I have. When I got home I realized that the trees are so high around the house that you couldn't see the lightning anymore.

One of my favorite memories of watching the heat lightning is on a family trip somewhere, I was laying in the coveted backseat and I could watch the lightning play across the fields. I remember asking my dad if it was going to rain and he said it was just heat lightning. He also said that there wouldn't be any rain with the storm but that the lightning would be neat to watch as it flew from cloud to cloud. I think I watched the lightning for hours that night and from then I tend to take time to watch it when I have a chance. MY favorite places to watch the heat lighting are over a lake or the ocean or over a ranch.

Some heat lightning on the horizon

I know that my picture doesn't really do it justice and on the off chance that you have never seen it I grabbed a pic from the web that you can see here. I am looking forward to seeing more of this over year.

State Fair of Texas

During October in Dallas the state fair comes to town and from what I can tell it is something to see. I have been working on a bucket list for several weeks of things that I want to do in Dallas and things that I want to do in Texas while I live here. I don't want to look back on these years and wonder what did I do with all of my time. That list is coming but I figured I would let you know this was on my list.

One of my good college friends, Linds, was looking for tickets to the fair and we get a discount at work so I said I can get you some and would you mind if I joined you for some fair time? She said sure come on, it turns out they were going during the day and I couldn't get off of work. But on that morning the instrument that I needed was broken so I finished what I needed to and headed out to the fair.

Walking up to the fair

The Texas Star!!! A huge ferris wheel, we didn't ride it but I would definitely ride it should the opportunity arise

Big Tex!!

Big Tex has been a part of the fair for many many years. He talks and said things like "welcome to the texas state fair!" It was pretty cool. I am not going to lie he has an ugly face but I am glad I got to see him. After we saw Big Tex it was time for a snack. The state fair is known for the fried yummies: think fried butter, fried pickles, fried anything you can think of. There were almost too many choices but in the end I opted for the new big thing this year the bacon-fried cinnamon roll. It was so good, I don't know that I want to eat a million of them but it was good.

Bacon-fried cinnamon roll

 Since this is the Texas State fair there are lots of animals to scope out. We spent a while in the animal petting zoo, I didn't take pics because I didn't want the giraffe or a cow to eat my phone. I did get to pet a zebra, a goat, a cow, and a few other odds and ends. It was pretty cool, I was glad there was a kid with us so I could get to see it. In the next several buildings there were lots of cows and sheep getting ready for their show. I have always enjoyed looking at animals and since these are the prime specimen it was fun to get a peak at them.

A longhorn... it should have it's horns cut off but I mean it was still very pretty

Lots of dairy cows and some FFA members (I am only guessing about the FFA, could have been 4H)

The sunset over the fair

It was AMAZING!!!! I am looking forward to going back, hopefully next time there will be more pics but all in all I had a great time. We spent much of our time looking at the exhibits and the animals and watching her sweet little girl ride some great carny rides. This was one of the best hookie days from work that I have EVER had.

I think the next time I go I want to spend more of my time eating and checking out the exhibits. I hear there are some pretty cool things to see. I would also love to catch one of the concerts, many of the evenings have a band playing. The day we went didn't have a band, I think there was a pep rally for the Red River Shoot Out or something like that. I am looking forward to trying a corny dog the next time, I hear they are to die for. Hopefully I can split one with someone.

Statistics

I remember taking a class in college about stats, it was horrible really horrible. I am not sure how I passed but I did. I really remember trying to figure out what was a good stat: a really small number or a really big one. In the end it depends on what the stat is, for instance if the odds of winning the drawing for a new TV are 1:5000 you really want to be the 1 not the 5000. However, if the odds of getting cancer are 1:5000 you do not want to be the 1.

When I went to the doctor to get the results of my first biopsy (in Dallas, there were several in StL) my doc busted out a chart to show me what the results mean. We start with the easy to treat types, about 20% of this type if left alone will turn to cancer over time. As we move down the chart the percentage of the cases that result in cancer start going up and up until we get to the last box... there are no statistics. I look at her and she says, 100% of these cases result in cancer over time.... uhhh I am in that box?!?!?

To be honest this was the first time that I realized that I was the 1 in the ratio. I am becoming one out four people that cancer will touch... crap. How did this happen, as I have wrestled with this for several weeks even months I have realized that God has a plan I have no idea what his plan is I only know that I am going to trust this plan.

I have found myself learning to trust that there is a plan for this adventure for me and that in this plan there will be a reward for trusting with my whole heart.

Tomorrow I will tell you about my journey with the early stages of cervical cancer. After that biopsy I was at the last stage before cervical cancer, so technically still precancerous but by the thinnest of margins. Stay tuned for this story.

Duvet cover

I want to replace a lot of my bedding and bedroom decorations when I move into the new apartment. This is going to be some what difficult because of several reasons: I have no idea what I want nor do I know what I need. But I have been spending several different shopping trips making sure to take time to check out their different duvet covers. In all of the stores I have been attracted to covers with similar themes. The ones that I love have a white background.

As I held the ones that I really wanted from the simply shabby chic line at target that if my dog slept on these for a few nights it would be ruined most likely... We all know that it is unlikely that she doesn't sleep on the bed so I should get something cheaper or get something that will hold up better. I eventually went with this blue and white pattered duvet cover, I snagged this little gem at Marshalls for $30 so I won't be too ticked if my little monster leaves dog hair all over the bed. I am pretty excited about putting this up in the new place!

The new duvet cover, hope Lily likes it

Fall Days

There are a few things that I miss about St. Louis and I think that the fall is going to be the biggest thing that I miss. However, I got pretty excited over the weekend since the temps got colder that I had expected. I really love crisp mornings and getting out there with the smell of people burning wood in their fireplaces. But I don't have a fireplace so I make do with other things that can make me feel fallish. One of the keys to enjoying fall here in the south is that you make the most of it when it comes because it could get back up to 100 before you know it. 100 might be an exaggeration but it can get warm again.

When I went to Target for our weekly meeting... me shopping them taking my money. Since it was cool I stopped by the Starbucks and grabbed a hot chocolate. I enjoyed sipping on my hot chocolate while I was looking for things for my new apartment, I didn't make any purchases I just looked around for things that I want.

Hot chocolate to warm me up

Once I got home I realized that what sounded amazing to me was some chili so I quickly convinced my grandfather to let me whip up a pot of chili (recipe to follow at a later date). As a bonus I decided to whip up a little batch of my personal apple pie pickets (again, recipe to follow). It was really an amazing dinner, I really enjoyed the chili and the apple pies where the perfect ending to the meal. I always love being able to cook for other people it really brings lots of joy to my life.

My mom's recipe for homemade chili, to which my grandfather said was almost as good a Wolf Chili... 

Apple pie pockets

I love the start of fall it is the kickoff to the holiday season, I love the holidays. I just love being able to give to friends and family. Also fall means football season, gotta cherish this while the games are on. Well I am going to get back to work and look forward to the next fall day.

Getting close to moving day

As you know I am going to move into my apartment in a few weeks about 16 days!! I have a million and ten things that I need to do before that day comes but sometimes after work I am just so stinking tired that all I want to do it lay on the couch. This would be fine if my weekends weren't booked with football games. There is only aggie football a few weekends out of the year and I am going to miss some of them.

I will confess that I am a little apprehensive about moving into the apartment. Some of that stems from knowing that I am going to be buying my furniture and I want to like it for several years. It is so hard to know what is right but I guess you just make a choice and see what happens.

I am going to spend most of y Saturday furniture shopping and looking for a washer and dryer. I feel like I have suddenly joined adulthood and I do not love it. It is somewhat overwhelming to make all kinds of decisions but as my mom said she didn't know what she was doing in the beginning and there will be buyers remorse but you move on. My mom is so wise and I am very lucky to have her.

Wish me luck on my shopping adventures and I will let you know what I find and buy.

The red button reality

I don't know about you but when someone tells me not to do something it suddenly becomes the only thing that I can think about. If someone says don't push the button, now you want to push the button. I know that if I had said don't touch me, my brothers would hold a finger just above the skin so they are not technically touching you but they kinda are. We all do this, if you ask me to stop the urge becomes uncontrollable. Sometimes the consequences are not that bad: like when the recipe says cool before eating and you eat it right out of the oven. Oh second thought burning the roof of your mouth on dinner suddenly makes it not as good.

After my surgery they told me I could not submerge in water, I could stand but not sit. I am not typically much of a bath person but as soon as the nurse said no sitting in the tub all I have been able to think about it how amazing a glass of wine and a bubble bath would be. I mean I don't remember the last time I took a bath, it was in St. Louis but I haven't really wanted to in a while but suddenly I am just dying to sit in one. I am not sure what it is about someone saying I can't do XXX but that is all I want to do.

I am sharing this with you because for a few minutes tonight I really considered getting in the bath tub and I wondered what is the worst that could happen? Since I am a scientist the worst that could happen is pretty bad, this is why I am writing you not luxuriating in bubble bath. I am looking forward to taking a bath in the garden tub at my new apartment.

I am not sure why we all want to push the big red button that says do not push, but I do. I know that I shouldn't do it but the more I think about not being able to do it I just really really want to do it. Oh well, it happens at least this time I am being an adult about the bath for the time being. 3 more weeks until I can be submerged in water... only 3 weeks!